a broken heart that the world forgot
by beyond-the-twilight
Summary: "She's never understood the true meaning of a soul mate before, but now, sitting next to Rachel on the couch, she thinks she finally understands" - A Santana/Rachel story through the ages; Pezberry, Brittana, Pucktana, Puckleberry, Bartie


**A/N: Do not own Glee. This was supposed to be the next chapter of Repeating History but as soon as I opened the word document, I got caught up in this one-shot, and another Pezberry one, which should be up soon - it's heavy angst (the next one) so be warned!**

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><p>She sees Rachel Berry for the first time in a playground at seven years old while racing for the swings. Rachel has long brown hair that flies behind her as she runs and rosy cheeks and sparkly eyes and she knows immediately that Rachel's<em> beautiful. <em>

Breathtakingly beautiful.

(She loses the race to the swings but she gets to help Rachel fly her kite and it makes everything better).

* * *

><p>She's nine when her mum leaves. Her dad starts drinking; her brother (who is six years older and a million times luckier) starts spending more and more time out of the house and she pushes away all of her friends at school...<p>

... Except Rachel.

Rachel knows what it's like to not have a mum; Rachel knows what it's like to have a dad whose a little absent and distant (her dad goes away on business a _lot_ and her daddy gets a little distant when that happens) and she knows what it's like to wonder why she's different from other kids... why she scared her mum away.

It's Rachel she cries too when she finds her dad passed out on the couch; Rachel she calls when she's worried about her brother; Rachel she talks to when she doesn't know why her mum stopped loving her.

It's _all _Rachel.

She's never understood the true meaning of a best friend but she does now.

(She's never understood the true meaning of a soul mate before, but now, sitting next to Rachel on the couch, she thinks she _finally _understands).

* * *

><p>They're eleven years old and supposed to be doing homework but instead they're watching the Disney Channel. She's holding the popcorn and sitting in front of Rachel, whose braiding her hair. Rachel's hands pause for a second and she turns to face her best friend.<p>

"That boy's kinda cute, don't you think San?" she asks before bursting into giggles.

She forces herself to laugh but as soon as Rachel is playing with her hair again, her face falls. Rachel's noticing boys and she isn't. They've done everything together since they were seven years old... why has it changed now?

She scrutinises the boy on the screen. Sure, his hair looks nice, and his eyes are a bright blue but she doesn't _feel _anything. His hair is too blonde and his eyes too blue.

"He's not my type", she whispers, her eyes swimming with tears as Rachel starts defending him.

(She doesn't feel _anything _for that boy but she feels _everything _for her best friend).

* * *

><p>They're twelve years old and neither of them has kissed a boy. Rachel hasn't been asked out by anyone and she's just not interested in any of the stupid boys at school, but the result is the same. Every other girl at school has had a kiss from someone, even Tina Cohen-Chang who has a stutter and doesn't even speak to boys.<p>

It happens on a Tuesday night. They don't speak about it, but Rachel presses her lips against her best friend's and giggles a little as she pulls away. "Now we've had our first kiss. I've always heard that girls practice with each other, so I thought we should too. I love you Sannie", she babbles before turning back to the television.

Neither of them notice that they're holding hands as they watch the movie flickering across the screen.

(She can feel Rachel's lips against hers for the next week but the kiss is never mentioned again).

* * *

><p>She's thirteen and four months and crying alone in her bedroom because Rachel's on a date. She knows she shouldn't be upset that her best friend is having fun but she can't stop her tears. They've just started high school but Puck already has a reputation for sleeping with slutty, older cheerleaders. He's experienced <em>and <em>managed to convince Rachel that he wouldn't "hit it and quit it" because she's _special. _

She should be concerned for Rachel's safety but instead, she's devastated because somewhere along the way, she developed a crush on her best friend and now her heart hurts.

So she sits and cries for her best friend and the dreams she had about the two of them.

(She ignores the voice from her heart, telling her that she knew Rachel was special long before Puck did).

* * *

><p>She's thirteen and a half when she makes the biggest mistake of her life: she loses her virginity.<p>

She goes crying to Rachel who tries her best to hide her surprise (before now, she's never even kissed a boy). Rachel eventually manages to stop her tears but she knows that the concern isn't going to last after she opens her mouth and spills the secret.

"Sannie, why did you do it? I didn't think you liked anyone?" Rachel asks softly, lapsing back into the childhood nickname she had for her best friend.

She doesn't answer, tightening her arms around her best friend and savouring that last few moments of their friendship. "I slept with Puck", she says, her voice breaking.

Rachel slowly pulls her arms away and she slowly raises her head to look at her friend.

"I know San. Noah told me as soon as it happened. I can't say that I'm not upset because you didn't know that we had broken up and you still did it... why didn't you tell me that you wanted him San? I would have happily broken up with him if that's what you needed"

"Wait... you and Puck broke up? When? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It only happened yesterday. I called you as soon as it happened but your dad said you weren't home so I decided to wait until I saw you to tell you. We decided we were better off as friends. Noah liked being able to play the field and I missed spending time with you. I'm just upset because you had no idea that we had broken up and you did it anyway, knowing that it would hurt me. Do you hate me that much?"

"I was jealous, okay? I don't respect myself for what I did and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. I was just so jealous... I'd always dreamed that it would be _me"_

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have broken up with him... your my best friend San; I would do anything for you. We're only thirteen, my best friend is worth more than some stupid boy; you didn't have to do something so drastic to get Noah, Sannie"

"I don't want Puck. I want you", she yells, her eyes widening as she realizes what she's just admitted.

"You have me", Rachel replies, her eyes confused. She doesn't understand.

"I don't want to be with Puck, Rach... I want to be with you. I'm thirteen and a half and I think I like _like _you and I'm scared because I'm supposed to like boys but all I can see is you. I hate you for making me realize I'm different because my dad will throw me out when he finds out but I _can't _hate you because you are all I have", she whispers.

"Sannie..."

Instantly, embarrassment fills her. She's just admitted to her best friend that she has a huge crush on her; just admitted that she's different from everyone else.

"Save it Rachel. I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. You letting me down easy isn't going to make it hurt any less"

"San..."

She doesn't stay to hear what Rachel has to say. She already knows that Rachel doesn't feel the same and she just _can't _listen to the words coming out of Rachel's mouth.

(She fell in love at seven years old. She's lucky that Rachel was hers for this long. The heartbreak was inevitable but she still hates that it arrived before she had a proper chance).

* * *

><p>She's fifteen, a cheerleader with two "best friends" and the attitude of a bitch to go with it. She's Santana Lopez and everyone at McKinley knows who she is. When she walks down the hallway with Quinn Fabray and Brittany Pierce, the crowd parts in fear.<p>

She's fifteen years old and she's okay.

(She's _not _still crushing on Rachel Berry. She's _not_).

Sometimes, her heart aches and she remembers the day she ran away and the two weeks that followed, where Rachel approached her all the time and she tried (succeeded) to avoid her. When that happens, she makes sure that a slushy is thrown. It's not her fault that Rachel is a popular target.

And on the really bad days, when she sees Rachel smiling and happy, she wonders why Rachel gets to be happy while she's still miserable.

And on the days where she feels like her heart has been ripped out of her chest, she sleeps with Puck. Rachel knew, a long time ago, that sleeping with Puck was a way of showing that she wanted them to be together. Maybe she hopes that Rachel will still remember the rules and come running back to her.

(It never happens).

* * *

><p>She's sixteen and fooling around with her best friend. The situation is oh so familiar; reminding her of the last time she fell in love with her best friend and got her heart broken.<p>

She runs, like she always does, but Brittany always forgives her and lets her back in.

She realizes that she loves Brittany when she's with Artie. She fights in a way that she never fought for Rachel but she still gets her heart broken. Everyone she loves eventually leaves her... her mum, Rachel, Brittany...

She's done trying.

* * *

><p>She's sixteen and a half and quite happy to be alone. Brittany is with Artie and she's okay with that now. Artie makes her best friend happy and Brittany deserves that. She had her chance with the blonde but didn't take it. She realized (after a lot of thinking) that she didn't love Brittany in the way she deserved. She loved Brittany as a friend; loved her but wasn't <em>in love <em>with her (wanted her so she wouldn't be alone anymore; loved her for being there).

She doesn't love Brittany the way she loves Rachel.

(She's done denying her feelings. Love is worth the risk of heartbreak).

* * *

><p>It's her 17th birthday and no one remembered. She didn't expect them to... they're all wrapped up in their own lives and she can't blame them for that. Brittany doesn't remember special occasions; Artie wouldn't celebrate it even if he knew (he's still upset that she almost stole Brittany away from him); Tina hates her so Mike doesn't speak to her... hell, none of the club have any reason to remember (and celebrate) her birthday.<p>

Rachel approaches her though, a jewellery box in her hand. "Happy Birthday Santana", she says softly.

She takes the box out of Rachel's hand and opens it up to reveal a charm bracelet, filled with charms. Her eyes water as she takes in the charms – a tiny kite, a popcorn bucket, ballet shoes (from the time they both wore one of Rachel's ballet shoes and attempted to perform a routine), a tiny microphone, a miniscule book (from the time they stayed up all night reading Harry Potter until Rachel skipped to the end and started crying when she saw what happened)... their entire friendship is on the bracelet.

She can't stop her tears when she sees three individual charms pushed so close together that it must have been done on purpose. R, followed by a small silver heart, and then an S. R hearts S. _Rachel loves Santana. _

"Rachel..."

"I was going to give it to you for your 14th birthday but you were ignoring my calls and hiding from me at school and I decided that you probably didn't want it. I kept on buying the charms though, every time I saw you looking lonely or sad, and I bought more on your birthday and Christmas..."

"But that's the nicest thing anyone's done for me. Why would you do that when I was so _horrible _to you?"

"Because once upon a time, you were my best friend and you loved me. You may have been able to turn off your feelings for me but I couldn't turn off my feelings for you"

"Feelings for me?"

"That day... I wasn't mad at you for sleeping with Noah. I would have forgiven you for anything because you were my best friend and our friendship was worth fighting for. I was so upset that you wanted him and I didn't realize why... at first, I thought I was just upset because you hadn't told me you liked him but when you admitted it was me you wanted... everything just fell into place. By the time I figured it out, you were running and I let you because I thought you needed space and I needed time to think. I approached you the next day though and you didn't want to be around me... I thought you had changed your mind and realized it was Noah you wanted after all"

"Why have you waited so long to tell me this? Years have gone by; there's no way you still fell the same... you've been with Puck, Jesse and Finn since then... why are you telling me this now?

"I'm telling you now because it's your birthday and I'm tired of hiding it. I'm tired of wishing Finn's hair was longer and a little darker; I'm tired of waiting for you and Puck to stop sleeping together; I'm tired of watching you sing to Brittany, and link pinkies with her. I'm tired of missing my best friend and thinking about my first kiss at twelve years old with the girl I thought I would be with forever. I'm tired of only living half a life because you took half of me with you when you left that day..." she explains, her eyes filled with tears until they overflowed and burnt a path down her cheeks.

Neither of them say anything for a minute before she takes a step closer and presses her lips against Rachel's, years of passion burning and tears mingling together.

"I love you Rachel Berry"

* * *

><p>They end up in her bed later that night. Her dad isn't home and her brother moved out years ago, so they're all alone. They haven't done any more than kiss, and now they lay facing each other, their hands entwined. They have a lot to talk about... Puck, Jesse, Finn, Brittany... but none of that matters now. They're together for the first time in years and they don't need to talk now... not tonight.<p>

"In a way, the separation has been good for us", Rachel whispers.

"How the hell has years of pain and heartache been good for us Rach? You truly are as crazy as they say"

"Because if we had gotten together all those years ago, it would have inevitably exploded. This way, I can have you forever"

She doesn't know how tomorrow will work out. She doesn't know how her father is going to react, doesn't know how she's going to tell the school that she's a lesbian and in love with Rachel Berry, doesn't know how she's ever going to explain their story.

She doesn't know what tomorrow will bring but she knows one thing.

_Forever _has never sounded so enticing.


End file.
